Congratulations. You have made the incredible decision to remarry. This is an exciting time in any adult’s life. Of course, the feelings that you may have felt from your divorce can be overwhelming. But, this should not deter you from taking the wonderful step into your new life journey. Of course, for adults making this big step, it can be a little overwhelming. So, think for a minute how your child may be feeling when it comes to accepting a second marriage.
There are some ways that you can ensure that your children feel comfortable with the prospect of mum and dad remarrying. There is no perfect solution to getting your child to accept their new step-parents. But, there are some things that you can do to help them along the way.
Children take longer to heal emotionally than adults. If they are still coping with divorce, it can be difficult for them to comprehend why you have a new partner that is soon to be your legal spouse. Even if your child gets on well with their step-parent, they may find the whole issue of remarriage scary. They may have a wealth of emotions on the subject. The key is to reassure them. Their stepparent is not there to take the place of mum or dad. Your child may refuse to attend the wedding. As much as this may pain you, you have to allow them to make this decision. Ultimately, your wedding will go ahead. Gently explain this to your child. Reassure them that all adults have the right to make decisions about their lives, much like they do if they don’t want to attend. Being open and honest is the key.
Understanding Worries and Concerns
Children are creatures of habit. If they get on with their step-parent, they will still be concerned that their routine will be interrupted. Understand your child’s fear. But, do make sure that you are honest about any changes that may occur. If they have to share their room with step-siblings, make this clear to them. Do stress that despite you getting re-married, you will always be their parent. You will be there to listen and to support them, despite the changes in the family dynamic.
Unless there is a significant reason to do so, there is no need to change your child’s name. This can cause feelings of confusion and loss. It may make them feel as though their other parent is being cut out. You want to avoid this. Ensure that your child keeps their name and that they feel happy about this. Of course, your child may want to change their name. But, it’s important to discuss this at length before you make a major decision.
Patience is a Virtue
As much as we love our kids, they can be stubborn. Don’t use negative words around them. Talk to them and encourage open and honest dialogue. Encourage your new partner to do the same. By having a fully supportive network around them, your child will come to understand the importance of marriage. They may be stubborn and refuse to cooperate at first. That’s okay. Just be patient. The rest will come together.
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